A year from now I'll be glad I wrote this blogpost instead of taking a nap, right? That is how I'm justifying spending my time this afternoon while the munchkins are snoozing. "Sleep when the baby(ies) sleep:" the most cliché advice given to new parents that I fully see the wisdom in yet can't quite master, especially since the times they are both napping these days are few and far between (we're working on it). When else would I work? Wash bottles? Frantically grab Tostitos chips from the pantry? Do laundry? We can't wear dirty underwear all week. My under eyes are blue but my muumuu smells like Dreft. I'll call that a win...
Despite my lack of sleep I'm going to try and sum up the past three months. It has been thrilling. Exhausting. Empowering. Humbling. The first time I held my babies everything made sense to me. The fight to get them here, the high-risk pregnancy, the timing of it all, suddenly seemed perfect. I could clearly see a divine hand in our story and I was surprised at how familiar they were to me. "I realize in an instant, that I've known you all along," a line from a song that resonated completely with me as I took in their little faces for the first time. This is what we had been waiting for when we read of "good things to come." This was it, and it was better than anything we could have imagined.
We spent five days in the hospital (three more than the doctor and I had planned) due to a surprising case of postpartum Pre-eclampsia. We were finally sent home with my medications and bags full of diapers late Christmas night. We sat and stared at them in their bassinet and then kicked ourselves for not sleeping the thirty minutes we had in between the strict "cycles" the pediatrician had prescribed us to (attempt to breastfeed, bottle feed, repeat with other baby, pump). The first month we were in survival mode. I had to monitor my blood pressure four times per day twice, before and after my medication. Trying to recover and produce milk did not go hand in hand for me, so after two weeks of pumping, feeling like I had a third baby, and not producing even a drop, I made the decision to move on and accept that this wasn't what I had planned, but so much of what I had experienced in life thus far followed that same M.O. and I had survived it all! Between the tough days and sleepless nights were absolutely magical moments I hope I will never forget. My favorites being newborn snuggles (x2) and watching Jake seamlessly transition into fatherhood and falling that much more in love with him because of it.
Fast forward to the 21st (7 days ago) and Sunny and Guy are already 3 months old! It gets better each week as they continue to develop their own unique personalities. Their smiles and chunky bellies are so cute I can hardly stand it. I'm realizing how short their infancy will be so I'm embracing the monotony of going back and forth between babies each day. I am grateful for each moment I get to spend with them, even the days I'm sending S.O.S. texts to Jake.
"That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet." -Emily Dickinson